alltheroads | wickery bridge } { it's time to say goodbye to turning tables

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wickery bridge } { it's time to say goodbye to turning tables

She walks away, and she doesn’t look back. She doesn’t listen when Stefan pleads with her to get in the car, and she doesn’t take the easy way out to go with him in the car. She can barely even look at him right now, so she isn’t going to make things worse by trapping herself in a car with him, again.

She had been fighting for so long to save him, to believe that the part of him that she had fallen in love with is still there, and in five minutes, it is all thrown back in her face. She can’t give up on him, she won’t, but now she’s starting to wonder if what she thought was there, if what she thought this meant was ever really there at all. She’s eighteen years-old, and she knows that people say things always feel so much more intense when you’re a teenager, but she never realized that that also meant the bad as well.

She still wouldn’t give up on Stefan. She still would fight for him with everything that she had, because it’s the only thing she can do, but she isn’t sure if she can love him again. She isn’t sure if the person she fell in love with is ever coming back.

The tears are starting to dry sticky against her skin, and she knows that she should probably call someone to come get her. Wandering through the streets of Mystic Falls at night with all the hybrids around isn’t the smartest move. They probably wouldn’t kill her, given who she is to Klaus, but she isn’t sure that they’ll completely leave her alone either.

She couldn’t call Damon—given his feelings for her at the moment, she isn’t sure she could trust herself to be alone with him. Bonnie is mad at her, Alaric is probably drunk at this point—in fact, most people she knew were probably drunk at this point. Her fist closes around her phone in her pocket, and then releases it. She just needs to walk. She needs to get all her emotions out so that she can put on the brave face tomorrow, and go on saving Stefan as though nothing’s happened.

Damon has done worse to her and she’s still managed to forgive him. It wouldn’t be fair if she didn’t do the same for Stefan, who she actually loves.

So she just keeps walking. Eventually she’ll find her way home, but for right now, she’s alone on the side of the road, and needs to keep walking.

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Okay, and that's not helping with the whole being incredibly concerned thing, not that he already wasn't by the sight of her walking alone, looking like -- he's not sure he can put a word to it. All he knows is he wants to make it go away.

Matt's hand drops like it's been burned, and he lifts both hands in front of him. He won't touch her. He won't, even if what he really wants is to step forward and hug her.

There's a tightness working at his throat, and his voice sounds thicker than he knows it to be.

"Elena, what's going on?"

It takes her a minute to actually get the words out. As she does, they're punctuated by pauses as she struggles around them. There's a part of her that still can't believe that that happened.

And there's a part of her that needs to face it.

"Stefan ... forced me to drink his blood," she says softly. One hand comes up to brush away the tears, but they are just going to be replaced by new ones anyway. "And then he almost drove us off the Wickery Bridge."

Matt's jaw clenches, so tightly the tip of his tooth feels as though it may chip off. He stares at Elena as if he can't quite believe what he's hearing. He knows Stefan came back and he was different, but this?

"He what?" Matt asks, in a barely controlled voice. There's the urge to find Stefan and do -- do what, Matt? He's a vampire. He could break you in half before you even began to catch up with him. The anger surges within him, anyway.

"Why the hell would he do something like that?"

That anger should be what she's feeling. Maybe it's in there, buried down under all the heartbreak, but right now all she can think about is how he did this to her. He's supposed to love her, and Stefan did this to her.

"Some -- some kind of power play," she says with a sniffle. "All he cares about is destroying Klaus, and he'll do whatever he has to do to make that happen even -- even if that means turning me into a -- "

She couldn't even say the word. After everything they've been through, after everything she told him about how she didn't want to be a vampire, she can still taste his blood on her tongue, and it she feels like she needs to be sick.

"He thinks he has nothing left."

Matt doesn't get it. He doesn't get it, and he doesn't want to. Matt does not want to understand how someone is capable of doing that to someone like Elena, to anyone at all. It's part of what horrified him about Vicki, how she changed, what she became capable of.

He recognized her and he didn't, and Matt doesn't know what hurt more.

The urge to hurt Stefan, however, isn't greater than the need to be there for her. "That doesn't mean he can just do this," he says, knots still working at his throat.

Matt steps forward, this time more hesitantly, but he's reaching for her again.

She knows he's right. She knows that Stefan's spiral doesn't justify doing this to her, but she can't help it. She needs to justify it, to make sense of it, because otherwise these things just keep happening to her for no good reason, and if she starts thinking that, she'll collapse under the weight of it.

She can't afford to do that. But she doesn't know if she's strong enough to stop it.

This time, when Matt reaches for her, she doesn't flinch away. She lets him pull her in and buries her face in his shoulder letting him support her for a little while.

Matt loves Elena. There is no question about this. It's fact, unchangeable. The love itself ebbs and flows from romantic to platonic, but the fact is he loves her and he's always going to want to look out for her.

The painful tug at his heart remains as he brings her into his arms, slipping them around her frame and pulling her in tight, but gentle, too. After what she went through -- and he can't force himself to picture it without seething -- the last thing he wants to do is be anything but gentle.

There's a firmness to his hold in spite of this, a steadiness that's meant to convey I'm here.

She is not alone. Not if he can help it.

Matt's always been steady. He's been the most constant thing in her life, ever since they were kids, and he's been through so much. He's always been the one to take care of things -- take care of his mom, his sister, and she always thought that it is too much. It's too much for a kid their age to handle.

There was a point where it had been too much for her to handle. After her parents had died, he had been steady for her and she didn't want him to be. She wanted him to be unreliable and be just as scared as she was, but he wasn't. Matt is a rock.

Matt is her rock.

She sinks into his hold, something familiar, something that she knows she can count on, and just lets the tears spill into his shoulder. He's the one thing she knows will always be the same, and there had been so many times she had taken that for granted.

She isn't doing that now.

It's how he felt when Vicki died. The world was pulled out from under him. Matt had no proper footing. The realization he'd lost what was left of his family, family he could hold on to, was more painful than he could take. There wasn't anything he wanted to do. There wasn't anything that he felt he could reach for.

And then there was Elena. The sight of her, familiar and filled with solace, reminded him of home. He held on tightly to her as he's doing now, only he's the one that wants to give the solace.

She's always so strong for everyone. She's always trying to protect and take care of people. Matt wants to give that back to her. He doesn't let go as the tears spill, only brings her closer to his chest, hand sinking into the strands of her hair.

"Let me take you home, okay?" he asks against the top of her head, his other hand drawing smooth circles at her back.

She calms slowly, shifting so that she can rest her head against his shoulders and just let him hold her. It's been a while since they've been like this, but it's comforting in it's own way.

Her eyes close as the hand against her back soothes her and she nods against his shoulder. "Okay," she says softly. She doesn't think there's much more to say than that.

Though she is aware that she's going to have to let him go if he's going to drive.

Matt doesn't let her go immediately.

If she's not ready to, they can stand there, holding each other for a very long time. It's not as if he has any problem with that. Elena in his arms is something that always will make sense to Matt, even if he hates he can't protect her from what's hurting her now.

He tightens his hold, only a little. His throat's pinched. "Okay," he echoes softly after her, the word weighted by the heaviness and the worry he feels.

Once she lets go, he leads her to the truck, opening the door for her. She doesn't have to say anything until she's ready, either.

She lets him lead her to the car, and she's quiet for most of the ride to her house. She doesn't really have much more to say. She doesn't want to think about it right now -- in fact, she doesn't want to think at all.

When they do finally pull up to her house, it's completely dark. She has no idea where Alaric is, but the last thing she wants to be right now is alone.

"Can you stay?" There's a pause as she thinks about how it sounds. "Just until Alaric gets back."

The low hum of the engine softens to a dull roar before he shuts the car off completely. Matt keeps a hand on the steering wheel and he turns to her at the question, the concern remaining on his face.

"Of course," he says. He doesn't add she didn't have to ask, because she didn't, but the sentiment is there in the tone of his voice.

He'll open the door for her and glance around, before he follows her into the house. He's spent so much time there, it's a familiar feeling, stepping in. "You want me to make some coffee?"

She nods. Sleep is not something that is going to happen anytime soon. She might as well have the caffeine.

She makes her way around the front of the couch, collapsing into it and grabbing a blanket. "What were you doing out there anyway? I figured you would have been home by now."

Matt brings her tea instead of coffee, the narration decides. For reasons. He may have overhoneyed it a little. Just honey this time, Elena. He sets it before her and sighs. "I couldn't sleep. Figured I might as well finish some of the stuff I'd been putting off."

Beats going back home to an empty house and those boxes of Vicki's, some of which he'll never be able to get rid of.

He sits across from her, close by.

"... You wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know if there's something to talk about yet." She takes the tea from him and lets the cup warm her hands as much as she can. "I just ... want to know why he thought he had to do that. Why he thought that that was the only way."

Matt remains quiet. Damon is the Salvatore he most has a problem with, but Stefan isn't his favorite person. Especially not after his behavior throughout the start of this school year. But he knows Stefan loves Elena, at least the non-ripper part of him. So it doesn't make much sense to him either, except --

"Is this just about Klaus?" he asks, the name practically dripping with the venom he feels. Elena said earlier it's all Stefan thought he had.

Destroying Klaus. Does he have to drag everyone else into it, too?

"That's what he says," she sighs. "He says that the only thing he has left is Klaus and revenge, and that he lost me when he left town."

It makes her feel stupid. Like she was waiting, hoping, fighting for something that wasn't supposed to be hers anymore. He doesn't want to be hers anymore. That's what it has to be, doesn't it?

"Is that true?" Matt asks, in spite of himself.

He won't pretend he gets the whole thing with the Salvatores, not just where Elena is concerned, but in general. Matt doesn't trust them, and he doesn't necessarily like them, but Elena is one of the people he cares most about.

Matt does want to try and understand.

She's quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how she feels about this. "I don't know. Before tonight, I wouldn't have thought he was capable of hurting me like this. But now ... "

Now she's wondering if she ever really saw him for who he was. If she ever actually understood what it meant to be a vampire. She knows he's made his mistakes, but in a selfish kind of way, she always felt safe with him. And until an hour ago, she still did.

Matt wouldn't have thought so, either. He remembers them at the start of the year, how his chest would clench painfully tight with jealousy as he saw them interact. Saw the way they were with each other when Matt still believed in the two of them ending up together.

Her voice trails off and Matt nods in understanding. As much as he can understand this situation.

"You know I only want what's best for you, right?"

She glances over at the question, and there's a small smile as she nods. Yeah, she knows. There's a few things that she's sure of in the world, and one of them is that she can always count on Matt Donavan. No matter what.

"Yeah. I do."

Matt nods again, reassured by the fact she knows that. Whatever their history, he would want her to know she can always count on him. His loyalty and his friendship to her is unconditional. "And I'm here if you wanna talk. I know it might feel like it's weird, but..."

He'd rather she count on him than not be able to.

She shakes her head. "You're still one of my best friends. I should be able to talk to you about this." But she doesn't want to talk about it now. Right now, she just doesn't want to be alone.

"Thanks for ... picking me up."

Matt nods. That's as much as he'll get, he senses, and it's good enough for him. For now. "Just being in each other's lives still..." his voice trails off as he shakes his head. It's something he needs, and he doesn't want her to ever doubt he'd be there. He always wants to be there for her. When he was eight, he wanted to be an astronaut.

The thought is absurd, but it returns to him just now, and how Elena remembers it.

"Anytime, Elena," he says, a solemnity to his voice that's only understandable for what just transpired.

Her head tips to one side as she watches him, and she's taken back to something her mother said. Sometimes you have to set them free. Elena has never really been good at that, wanting to keep everything as close to her as she can, but she doesn't want to hurt Matt either.

Even after all this time, Matt is the last person in the world she wants to hurt. Sweet, steady, strong Matt who takes the crazy life that Elena has thrust them into and is still sitting on her couch, learning how to deal with it.

"Matt, I know I don't make things easy." She wishes she could. She wishes she could just cast a spell, and all the vampires would leave her alone, but she's not a witch, and her face would always be what it is. "I'd understand if you needed ... space."

Space is what they never really got. Space isn't something you can get in Mystic Falls, but sometimes it's worth it to try.

There's a pause at what she says.

"After Caroline... " his voice trails off and he stops. After finding out Caroline was a vampire, after finding out what happened to Vicki, a permanent break is what he felt he needed. A clean break. His friends were all liars, and what could he trust?

Part of it was his grieving. His anger, and his not knowing where to direct it. Time has passed since, and Matt's not looking for a break. "I used to think I wanted to live my life without all this, you know? Life sucked, but it was mine."

He had the control.

"I don't need space anymore, Elena." He leans forward, his hand reaching for hers, his blue eyes very serious. "I'm here for you and I'm not leaving you alone with any of it."

Matt says it, and she believes it. There are very few people that she can trust implicitly, but Matt is one of them, and hearing that he doesn't need the space is exactly what she needs to hear.

There's a moment of complete gratitude on her face, before leaning closer to wrap her arms around him. If anything, the contact is what she needs right now, and Matt is there.

"Thank you."

Matt doesn't hesitate, and he's relieved it's her this time that's moving forward. It's effortless to pull her into him, slip her arms around her thin waist and hold her tight. Elena needs a link to the life that used to belong to her, to a life that wasn't always so immersed in the supernatural.

He can give that to her. He wants to, to be an anchor in a world that constantly tilts itself off its axis.

"You're welcome," he whispers softly against her hair, tightening his hold just a bit.

Her eyes close as she leans into him, just holding on to Matt. He can be her choice. Everything else gets yanked away from her, everything else is taken from her with little regard for what she actually wants, but this? This can be hers. One way or the other.

She holds the hug for a moment, before starting to pull back. "We should ... do something else. Watch a movie, maybe?"

Something that isn't dwelling on the events of tonight.

Matt only pulls back when Elena does, and he makes a face at her at that question. It's on purpose, for the record, meant to make her laugh or at least smack him in the shoulder for the question he's about to ask her.

"That depends. Is it a chick flick?"

She does laugh. Not a lot, but enough. "Maybe. Depends what we pick. Though if you want to go raid Jeremy's movies instead, I wouldn't hold it against you."

It's more than enough. After the night she's had -- hell, after the year or so she's had, it's amazing she's able to laugh at all. He pretends he's considering it (because really, Jeremy's arsenal of movies are probably more along his line of tast, but...) He smirks fondly at her, leaning down just a bit. "I'll let you pick this time," he says.

It's not uncommon knowledge he's a sucker for your face, Elena Gilbert.

The smile widens, and she gets up to make her way over to the DVD cabinet. "Then you have sealed your fate, and are stuck with whatever I pick."

She picks something at least tolerable on Matt's end, before popping it into the player and returning to the couch.

"As long as there's popcorn, I think I can handle it," Matt says with a broad grin, and he'll go over to make some for them as she picks out the movie. And honestly, whatever takes her mind off of the terrible night she's just had, Matt's willing to do. He's dated Elena before, and he also dated Caroline -- he's knowledgeable on what movies girls tend to like.

He returns around the same time she makes her way to the couch, so he follows in suit, placing the bowl on the table before he plops down next to her.

Elena shifts to settle in next to him, reaching for a handful of the popcorn with one hand while she starts the movie with the other. The motion itself is familiar enough that for a moment she forgets.

She doesn't really feel inclined to remember at the moment.

She pops a couple of the kernels into her mouth before nodding. "Good job with the popcorn."

"You know me. I can be counted on for the popcorn," Matt says with a faint smile, glancing at her as she starts the movie, his voice more of a murmur. It is a familiar motion. He can't count how many times he's been on this very couch, watching a movie with Elena. It's the same and it's different, but he doesn't think about that, either.

He settles further into the couch alongside her, keeping close.

Matt can be counted on for a lot of things. But Elena has said enough about that tonight.

As the movie progresses, she feels the emotional exhaustion of the day starting to catch up with her. Her head slowly starts to drop to Matt's shoulder as she relaxes against him. A few minutes later, she's fast asleep and probably not going to be roused anytime soon.

She promises she'll make it up to you later, Matt.

Matt knows the moment Elena's fallen asleep. The movie wasn't that gripping in terms of his interest, and he glances down at her, watching her sleeping form. He quiets the anger that threatens to bubble up to the surface at what happened, what was done to her, what keeps being done to her. Anger won't make it better for her.

He shifts a bit to the side so she'll be more comfortable, a hand wrapping around her shoulders as he brings her in. He'll place the blanket nearby above her frame. His throat works tightly and then he shakes his head, lowering the volume of the television so it doesn't wake her.

She has nothing to make up to him. He said he'd look out for her.

And Matt Donovan always will.

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wickery bridge } { it's time to say goodbye to turning tables

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