alltheroads | wickery bridge } { it's time to say goodbye to turning tables

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wickery bridge } { it's time to say goodbye to turning tables

She walks away, and she doesn’t look back. She doesn’t listen when Stefan pleads with her to get in the car, and she doesn’t take the easy way out to go with him in the car. She can barely even look at him right now, so she isn’t going to make things worse by trapping herself in a car with him, again.

She had been fighting for so long to save him, to believe that the part of him that she had fallen in love with is still there, and in five minutes, it is all thrown back in her face. She can’t give up on him, she won’t, but now she’s starting to wonder if what she thought was there, if what she thought this meant was ever really there at all. She’s eighteen years-old, and she knows that people say things always feel so much more intense when you’re a teenager, but she never realized that that also meant the bad as well.

She still wouldn’t give up on Stefan. She still would fight for him with everything that she had, because it’s the only thing she can do, but she isn’t sure if she can love him again. She isn’t sure if the person she fell in love with is ever coming back.

The tears are starting to dry sticky against her skin, and she knows that she should probably call someone to come get her. Wandering through the streets of Mystic Falls at night with all the hybrids around isn’t the smartest move. They probably wouldn’t kill her, given who she is to Klaus, but she isn’t sure that they’ll completely leave her alone either.

She couldn’t call Damon—given his feelings for her at the moment, she isn’t sure she could trust herself to be alone with him. Bonnie is mad at her, Alaric is probably drunk at this point—in fact, most people she knew were probably drunk at this point. Her fist closes around her phone in her pocket, and then releases it. She just needs to walk. She needs to get all her emotions out so that she can put on the brave face tomorrow, and go on saving Stefan as though nothing’s happened.

Damon has done worse to her and she’s still managed to forgive him. It wouldn’t be fair if she didn’t do the same for Stefan, who she actually loves.

So she just keeps walking. Eventually she’ll find her way home, but for right now, she’s alone on the side of the road, and needs to keep walking.

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"Is that true?" Matt asks, in spite of himself.

He won't pretend he gets the whole thing with the Salvatores, not just where Elena is concerned, but in general. Matt doesn't trust them, and he doesn't necessarily like them, but Elena is one of the people he cares most about.

Matt does want to try and understand.

She's quiet for a moment, trying to figure out how she feels about this. "I don't know. Before tonight, I wouldn't have thought he was capable of hurting me like this. But now ... "

Now she's wondering if she ever really saw him for who he was. If she ever actually understood what it meant to be a vampire. She knows he's made his mistakes, but in a selfish kind of way, she always felt safe with him. And until an hour ago, she still did.

Matt wouldn't have thought so, either. He remembers them at the start of the year, how his chest would clench painfully tight with jealousy as he saw them interact. Saw the way they were with each other when Matt still believed in the two of them ending up together.

Her voice trails off and Matt nods in understanding. As much as he can understand this situation.

"You know I only want what's best for you, right?"

She glances over at the question, and there's a small smile as she nods. Yeah, she knows. There's a few things that she's sure of in the world, and one of them is that she can always count on Matt Donavan. No matter what.

"Yeah. I do."

Matt nods again, reassured by the fact she knows that. Whatever their history, he would want her to know she can always count on him. His loyalty and his friendship to her is unconditional. "And I'm here if you wanna talk. I know it might feel like it's weird, but..."

He'd rather she count on him than not be able to.

She shakes her head. "You're still one of my best friends. I should be able to talk to you about this." But she doesn't want to talk about it now. Right now, she just doesn't want to be alone.

"Thanks for ... picking me up."

Matt nods. That's as much as he'll get, he senses, and it's good enough for him. For now. "Just being in each other's lives still..." his voice trails off as he shakes his head. It's something he needs, and he doesn't want her to ever doubt he'd be there. He always wants to be there for her. When he was eight, he wanted to be an astronaut.

The thought is absurd, but it returns to him just now, and how Elena remembers it.

"Anytime, Elena," he says, a solemnity to his voice that's only understandable for what just transpired.

Her head tips to one side as she watches him, and she's taken back to something her mother said. Sometimes you have to set them free. Elena has never really been good at that, wanting to keep everything as close to her as she can, but she doesn't want to hurt Matt either.

Even after all this time, Matt is the last person in the world she wants to hurt. Sweet, steady, strong Matt who takes the crazy life that Elena has thrust them into and is still sitting on her couch, learning how to deal with it.

"Matt, I know I don't make things easy." She wishes she could. She wishes she could just cast a spell, and all the vampires would leave her alone, but she's not a witch, and her face would always be what it is. "I'd understand if you needed ... space."

Space is what they never really got. Space isn't something you can get in Mystic Falls, but sometimes it's worth it to try.

There's a pause at what she says.

"After Caroline... " his voice trails off and he stops. After finding out Caroline was a vampire, after finding out what happened to Vicki, a permanent break is what he felt he needed. A clean break. His friends were all liars, and what could he trust?

Part of it was his grieving. His anger, and his not knowing where to direct it. Time has passed since, and Matt's not looking for a break. "I used to think I wanted to live my life without all this, you know? Life sucked, but it was mine."

He had the control.

"I don't need space anymore, Elena." He leans forward, his hand reaching for hers, his blue eyes very serious. "I'm here for you and I'm not leaving you alone with any of it."

Matt says it, and she believes it. There are very few people that she can trust implicitly, but Matt is one of them, and hearing that he doesn't need the space is exactly what she needs to hear.

There's a moment of complete gratitude on her face, before leaning closer to wrap her arms around him. If anything, the contact is what she needs right now, and Matt is there.

"Thank you."

Matt doesn't hesitate, and he's relieved it's her this time that's moving forward. It's effortless to pull her into him, slip her arms around her thin waist and hold her tight. Elena needs a link to the life that used to belong to her, to a life that wasn't always so immersed in the supernatural.

He can give that to her. He wants to, to be an anchor in a world that constantly tilts itself off its axis.

"You're welcome," he whispers softly against her hair, tightening his hold just a bit.

Her eyes close as she leans into him, just holding on to Matt. He can be her choice. Everything else gets yanked away from her, everything else is taken from her with little regard for what she actually wants, but this? This can be hers. One way or the other.

She holds the hug for a moment, before starting to pull back. "We should ... do something else. Watch a movie, maybe?"

Something that isn't dwelling on the events of tonight.

Matt only pulls back when Elena does, and he makes a face at her at that question. It's on purpose, for the record, meant to make her laugh or at least smack him in the shoulder for the question he's about to ask her.

"That depends. Is it a chick flick?"

She does laugh. Not a lot, but enough. "Maybe. Depends what we pick. Though if you want to go raid Jeremy's movies instead, I wouldn't hold it against you."

It's more than enough. After the night she's had -- hell, after the year or so she's had, it's amazing she's able to laugh at all. He pretends he's considering it (because really, Jeremy's arsenal of movies are probably more along his line of tast, but...) He smirks fondly at her, leaning down just a bit. "I'll let you pick this time," he says.

It's not uncommon knowledge he's a sucker for your face, Elena Gilbert.

The smile widens, and she gets up to make her way over to the DVD cabinet. "Then you have sealed your fate, and are stuck with whatever I pick."

She picks something at least tolerable on Matt's end, before popping it into the player and returning to the couch.

"As long as there's popcorn, I think I can handle it," Matt says with a broad grin, and he'll go over to make some for them as she picks out the movie. And honestly, whatever takes her mind off of the terrible night she's just had, Matt's willing to do. He's dated Elena before, and he also dated Caroline -- he's knowledgeable on what movies girls tend to like.

He returns around the same time she makes her way to the couch, so he follows in suit, placing the bowl on the table before he plops down next to her.

Elena shifts to settle in next to him, reaching for a handful of the popcorn with one hand while she starts the movie with the other. The motion itself is familiar enough that for a moment she forgets.

She doesn't really feel inclined to remember at the moment.

She pops a couple of the kernels into her mouth before nodding. "Good job with the popcorn."

"You know me. I can be counted on for the popcorn," Matt says with a faint smile, glancing at her as she starts the movie, his voice more of a murmur. It is a familiar motion. He can't count how many times he's been on this very couch, watching a movie with Elena. It's the same and it's different, but he doesn't think about that, either.

He settles further into the couch alongside her, keeping close.

Matt can be counted on for a lot of things. But Elena has said enough about that tonight.

As the movie progresses, she feels the emotional exhaustion of the day starting to catch up with her. Her head slowly starts to drop to Matt's shoulder as she relaxes against him. A few minutes later, she's fast asleep and probably not going to be roused anytime soon.

She promises she'll make it up to you later, Matt.

Matt knows the moment Elena's fallen asleep. The movie wasn't that gripping in terms of his interest, and he glances down at her, watching her sleeping form. He quiets the anger that threatens to bubble up to the surface at what happened, what was done to her, what keeps being done to her. Anger won't make it better for her.

He shifts a bit to the side so she'll be more comfortable, a hand wrapping around her shoulders as he brings her in. He'll place the blanket nearby above her frame. His throat works tightly and then he shakes his head, lowering the volume of the television so it doesn't wake her.

She has nothing to make up to him. He said he'd look out for her.

And Matt Donovan always will.

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