alltheroads | open } { emily & ella smash post

[ under any other circumstances, iris would feel that something isn't right.

if she were ever to possess an extra sense, it would be a barry sense, and it would tingle constantly. she knows when he's sad, happy, depressed. she knows when he's keeping something from her, and when he's bursting to tell her despite whatever it is holding him back. she knows when he's lost and broken and grieving. and she knows, without a shadow of a doubt, across universes and worlds and timelines, barry loves her and always will.

he'll protect her with his own life if he has to, the way she would lay down hers for him. so the fact he's doing so now doesn't seem out of the ordinary to her. the gold streak that blurs past her vision is more than welcome, and as soon as he sets her down, iris lets out a small cry and leaps into his arms. ]

Barry! Oh, thank god.

[To Barry's credit, he returns the hug without question, mostly because it allows him to cover the very confused face he's making over her shoulder. That, and he's never minded hugs, so if a pretty girl wants to thank him for saving her life with a hug, she's more than welcome to do that.

The problem is, she knows him. Knows his secret identity knows him. And he ...

... well, he doesn't recognize her at all.

They say that memories can't be completely erased, that there's always something that remains hidden because the human brain is a fascinating thing, but at the same time, while there's something about the way she says his name and the way she feels in his arms that doesn't feel completely foreign, there's still the all-out confusion of who this woman is. Why does she matter to him, and why does he matter to her?

Maybe this is something he should ask Cisco or Felicity about later. Maybe he meets her in the year of time that Cisco remembers and he doesn't, with Zoom and all the other dangers that lie ahead. But for right now, he just wants to make sure this woman is safe.]

Uh, yeah. That's me.

["That's me"? Seriously, Allen, why are you such a dumbass.]

[ the world grinds to a halt.

not even an hour ago, she was sitting across from barry on a darkened porch, asking him not to give up hope. for the first time in fifteen years, she was as awake to the possibility of them as he was. it would be dishonest to say that she fell for him somewhere along the line. it would be dishonest to say she woke up and realized she wanted what destiny seemed to be telling them was fated. it's a lot simpler than that. it's something that always was.

loving barry was like following a porchlight, stepping through the door, and knowing that you're home.

this is very different to that.

he's barry and he isn't, and all relief is stripped from her because this doesn't make sense to her. it simply doesn't. she steps back, along with her awareness, her arms feeling suddenly and violently empty. she can't even say she took it for granted before, because she didn't. not for a single day. ]

You don't know me, do you?

[And now she's upset. Good job, Barry. He lets her go, though, not wanting to upset her further, and it's clear that he's apologetic about the fact that he can't seem to recognize her, but he doesn't know how far the knife goes in this particular scenario. He doesn't know how much of himself he's really lost.]

Yeah, sorry. The Veil ... it can mess with your head a bit.

[There's a pause as he reaches one hand up to rub the back of his neck.]

Do you know Cisco? Or Felicity? Cisco's already told me I'm missing like ... a year of memories, give or take, so if you met me after the singularity, I've got nothing.

[ the veil. he's not the first person to mention the veil to her, but iris doesn't feel like anything is missing. at least, she didn't before now. she doesn't know why those names are so familiar to her, why barry is familiar to her, if it doesn't work the other way around. how is it fair to carve her entirely from his life and his heart, and keep him intact in her own? iris pushes that aside to answer his questions. even now, a big part of her concern is making sure he's okay.

telling him might not be the right thing to do. it might give him more guilt than he already places on his shoulders. but iris is too honest to lie. the times she's kept things to herself, they've hollowed her inside out. and secrets kill things. they both know ... knew that. they both used to know that. ]

We met before the singularity. Fifteen years before that.

[ so. ]

[His eyes widen a bit at that because that's a long time to be friends to follow by being just missing from his life now. He glances away for a moment, eyes to the sidewalk as he tries to roll through the memories of his past if only to catch a glimpse of her and try to find the way this all makes sense. But it doesn't and the only thing he can do is spit out:]

You knew me when my mom died?

[There aren't a lot of people out there who did.]

[ iris swallows, and suddenly barry isn't the only one glancing away. she tries to think of this place as a different earth, but if there's no going back home, that doesn't really matter. of course she remembers. it was iris' tiny hand that stretched out in offer when barry was most alone. ]

My dad took you in. [ and they became their own family, but she doesn't say that. ]

[Then, there's a slight moment of recognition. Not a huge one, but something that jives with what he does remember and he looks at her again, this time studying her face as though something in the expanse of it would trigger a memory, somewhere along the way.]

I remember that. I mean, I remember moving in with someone, after my dad got arrested. But ... who they are is just kind of ... blurry.

[Which he's sure probably doesn't help and he feels bad that he seems to have lost fifteen years of friendship, but at the same time there's nothing he can do about it now.]

I'm sorry.

[ iris knows his reaction would be much, much different if he were aware of the magnitude of what has been wiped from his mind, but it's a cold comfort. he'd once been so certain that it didn't matter where they were, and who they were, they'd always find each other.

she supposes in some way they did, just not like she expected.

her shoulders hunch upward, helplessly. she tries to smile. grateful, maybe, that joe isn't here; this would break his heart. ]

It's not your fault.

No, but it still sucks.

[He can recognize that much at least. He then glances back over his shoulder as the sounds of the battle within reach his ears.]

Look, I should probably go help them with these cultists, but can ... can you stay here? I'll be be right back.

[He tries to give her a small, lopsided smirk.]

Back in a flash?

[ it does suck.

his lack of recognition when it comes to her, when it comes to them, breaks her heart. almost immediately, she feels the absence of it, a hole that creates something that feels not quite right, and she's pretty sure she's the only one who feels it.

that brave smile lingers, and her shoulders lift in an almost helpless shrug. ]

Where else would I go?

[ she'll stay right here. ]

[Barry nods again, and there's one last lingering look before he zooms back into the fray to help deal with the job they came to do. It doesn't take long between the capable knights inside and Barry's speed and soon they're making their way out again, led by a tall, burly man with a broadsword strapped to his back. He spots Iris and frowns.

"You're still here?"

Barry interrupts before Iris can speak.]

She's waiting for me.

[David looks between them for a moment, before he decides he shouldn't care. "I'm calling the cops and then heading back."]

Okay. I'll catch up with you.

[And then he turns back to Iris.]

Wanna take a walk?

[ o-oh.

that is a very burly man with very muscled arms and a very pointy sword.

iris is stunned in spite of herself, blinking when barry turns back to her like oh, yes, her lanky nerd that is not quite her nerd in this universe is asking her a question. she clears her throat, her hands already slipping into the pockets of her jacket. ]

Yeah, sure. You'll have to lead the way.

[ as she is hopelessly lost here, in more ways than one. ] Who was that?

That?

[He glances back after the retreating Viking, before nodding.]

That's David Levin. He was he mission leader for this one. He's a good guy.

[Just ... naturally intimidating.]

[ huh. ]

Brawny, too.

[ what? she's just saying. ]

[There's a bit of a glance at that because he feels like he should be offended on some level, but at the same time he's not really sure why.]

Yeah, well, he used to be a Viking.

[Because that's normal around here.]

A Viking.

[ yeah, that explains it. iris gives one last lingering look before she focuses on barry again. lanky, precious definitely-not-a-viking barry. ] Sounds like you've been leading an adventurous life here. [ if there's an ache at the back of her throat, she ignores it. ]

Are you happy?

[He pauses for a moment before shrugging.]

Yeah. I mean, the first six months or so sucked because I was on my own, but once Felicity found me and brought me in, it got better. I had a purpose again, you know.

You remember Felicity?

[ she's really trying not to take this personally, veil. ]

[He nods slowly, slightly embarrassed.]

Yeah. Sorry.

[Not that it's his fault, but he feels like he should apologize.]

[ she smiles a little and shakes her head. ]

You always do that. You put the whole weight of the world on your shoulders, even if it isn't yours to take. [ this is the veil's fault, not barry's. iris just has to trust that despite the lack of memories, barry will be barry and iris will be iris, and ... they'll find their way to each other somehow. ]

[He gives another awkward shrug as he turns to face her more.]

I don't know. I just feel bad, you know. I don't intentionally go around forgetting people, especially people that important.

[ she smiles at him. it's a smile reserved for barry, not that he'd know it. ]

Well. [ she kicks at a pebble. ] What do you want to know?

[Even if he doesn't know the significance, there's something he feels when he sees it. Something in his chest clenches because as much as the Veil may take away the memories of something, some things go deeper than that.

Some are harder to erase.]

Tell me about you? What do you do, what's your dad like ... all that?

[He figures it might be a better place to start than "tell me about us."]

open } { emily & ella smash post

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject